I hope you are meant to stay,

“How to love a girl who used to be on her own”?

“I loved someone so much and I thought that person is my greatest love. Surpass that. Be the one who is even greater than the greatest love that I had.

I hope that when God lets you in my life, I am ready. I want you to come at the right time because I don’t want to give you the burden of healing me. Trust me, I am trying to heal myself right now and I am not just trying, I am trying very hard.

And if ever you are meant for me, I hope you are meant to stay. I am already in the stage of life where all I want is something serious and something that would last.

And if ever you turn out to be the person who shattered my heart into pieces, my greatest love, I hope this time you already know my worth. I hope this time you are meant to stay.” phrase credit to : Sadness & Agony Facebook page. Thanks a lot!

The above passage really sucks the bottom of my heart. I am drunk while reading this, it hurts but yeah it definitely describe my whole personal life situation. There’s this man I knew for a week and driven me out crazy, cancelling appointments just to spend time with him, throw little white lies just to see him. I don’t know really but he’s a man who blows my breath away when I am with him. He’s a man I am comfortably with, green jokes, funny corny jokes, gives me goosebumps, clumsy dude, a jerk boss, and very manly yet open and caring. 

The relationship has no level, it doesn’t give me the assurance whatever, but I feel him. I noticed his gestures, bright smile, hold gazes and stares, his care, his consistent action, his naughty hands, his touch the trembles my whole body, I noticed everything. But this man doesn’t give me a clue what’s going on, only those loud action he throws, those actions that baffled my mind, in every little detail I do. 

I don’t even know what get’s him so attached to me, while I am trying not to. But it seems we ended up like this. Like this. More like this. More I am expected to be . 

So how I wish we ended up to “something” something worth while , something worth between what we called “us”

I hope we develop a best gym body, ever since I met him in that place ,where people in fuss to work their body’s on shape. I hope he’ll stay the same, the same I knew him before, I hope he’ll stay and make me believe that real love still exist in his being. I hope he’s so understanding and tend not to be jealous whenever the time gets rough.

God, clear this situation. Clear this understanding. Especially my family to accept him fully. I have mood swing and the good side he see is the half of me ,and I hope he’d stay when he get to see the other side of me..

I hope..


Inspired by: Silhoutte Vous ❤

I’m totally into him, but I don’t know if he’s into me too.. and its a sad thing, indeed.


You wreck the whole world of mine.

She’s doing fine before he met you

she’s not bored, she’s okay just like a calm seashore

she enjoyed the traffic, and bored workplace

she’s used of the bad air smell 

her asthma trigger, her allergies sucks

she change her routine to make herself better

Unexpectedly those routine made a habit

And as a result, she met YOU – you crazy weird special asshole

You made her human again

You let her heart froze

You made her weak precious heart awake again

You made her laugh to those fucking green jokes of yours

You are the exact creation she wanted to met 

You know she’s cold

she seldom speak , ’cause she’s quiet and bored looking

but because of you her world revives three hundred eighty degree

You are the reason of having those bored cells of her becomes alive

She feel alive and breathing 

swallowing the funny air you throw to her

those fucking ugly abs you show to her

makes her smirk in disgust to cover the inside emotions she can’t control

weather you are facing or look away

she find it terrible to hide anyway

you ended up her 2:00 am thought of the day

you ended up her pretty funny gym buddy

you ended up the ingredients to complete her day

but are you seriously got into her?

because she’s into you already

of course its your fault

her mind wanted to stop

but the other voice says its okay to get drown in your love

its okay to cover up the emotion

to see beyond your every smile and every laugh

because she likes you enough to date into you

and prefer to dated only her too

can you do that only for once?

because her constant mind wandering about that

she loves the idea of being in love, but afraid to try

You knew that, and you questioned her “why”?

she said , “i don’t know” can we give a try?

but the truth is, she’s been hurt before, 

and preventing to make the history repeat again,

can you show to her how to love

she’s a keeper , she know herself how deep she can offer if ever

that thoughts makes her feel shivered

but she’s ready and open now

only YOU she is waiting to ask what’s the next step to be done

please lead her, most especially respect her 

because that’s the easiest you can do

and the safest blanket she can worn.



Behind the rain..


I don’t know but I am loving the sound of the rain these days. Its raining season here in our country (Philippines) its almost 4 months remaining and the year 2016 will closed its season and proceed a new chapter of millennium again. Honestly, raining makes me feel calm and relaxed and I don’t know but it happens every time, every bit of the rain, every sound I heard above in our roof, in my window pane. Those things makes me feel nostalgic, my mind active, my imaginations gets wild, but my body usually had a zero temperature and willing to cram in bed for most of the hour of the day. Well, that’s me. That’s the real me. Only me knows that. No other, not my family, but me in my own self. Definitely missing home. I try to neglect the feeling what my family doing there in home, what is my father doing in the evening while driving, what are their breakfast, lunch, dinner. What are my mother doing that makes her busy, how about my sisters and one brother. Haist.. anyway I had nothing to do with it. Its sad inside that I cannot see them from time to time, its sad I cannot go home anyway, its sad I cannot fight my younger sister now, Its even sadder I can’t witnessed  my father birthday celebration next month. Its sad I cannot go with them anymore. While still longing in those feeling, I believed that I had nothing to do with it. I pray to God the Father, that while I’m not home, while I missed home, while I cannot be with them, He will guide and blessed my family more than they expect. Even though its hard to live, and hustle for a life day by day, just to survive, just to go to school, just to eat three times a day, I want to calm my heart that whatever happen He will provide what my family needs and whats , everything they need it in a right time, in enough and abundant resources in His most precious mercy. Jay (silhouette)- August 28, 2016 2:23pm